Breaking News (a parody)

London| The United Kingdom has issued a travel advisory to LGBT citizens who might visit the State of North Carolina:

To all persons conflicted or confused about his/her/its sexual identity:

Be advised that travel to the USA, especially in the State of North Carolina, may cause some concern should you need to visit a public restroom or bath.

It is reported that American women and girls do not want persons exposing male genitalia in their intimate spaces. If you look like a female person, but have male sex organs and enter a women’s rest room (a common practice in the UK) you may be surprised at the reaction—especially from husbands and fathers waiting outside.

A word to the wise.

This progressivism is not well-received in the Colonies. They still live under out-dated traditions that you may not understand—although marriages between homosexuals has been well received and codified in law—a great victory for the cause of political parity.

Should travel to North Carolina be absolutely necessary you may be able to find a few Muslim communities—welcomed in America—to seek guidance and possibly comfort for your hurt feelings.

CAUTION! Don’t do this if you identify as a Christian or homosexual (Sharia law prescribes death for people displaying these practices).

You may find some sexual-activist businesses, progressive nonprofits, Hollywood spas and NBA locker rooms that welcome unusual sexual preferences and practices.

But, generally, we advise following the arcane rules of men using Men’s Rooms and women using Women’s Rooms. For those identifying as something else, we have little advice. You probably should seek psychiatric counsel.

 

United Kingdom Association of Selective Sex

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About R. E. Smith Jr.

Mr. Smith writes essays and commentary on politics, American history, environment, higher education and culture. He's been published in print media and at blog sites for about 25 years. Smith's formal education includes B.S. and M.S. degrees from the State University of New York and Syracuse University. He has earned a 21-credit hour Certificate in Professional Writing from the University of North Carolina-Wilmington. Training/work experience: NYS Ranger School; U. S. Army, Corp of Engineers; soil scientist and forester with USDA; Assoc. Professor at SUNY; real estate agent; small business owner.
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